and the little frustrations...

Well to say the least my week has been a bit full. My grandmother went into the hospital due to a broke hip. She has succesful surgery and is in rehab now though. So good news indeed!

My laptop lost its ability to boot, which caused me to have to reformat it all, which caused me to lose my English paper, which I had to rewrite! Yeh frustration major. Plus you can not imagine the time it takes to put WOW back on a silly pc! But all back on now and English paper rewrote and turned in. AND saved on the external hard drive. So I must remember to save everything on that hard drive from now on!

I had a kinda blue feeling last night which creeped into greater strength after English class and I got my home work back. I did OK, but again ok is not good enough. So I really wish there was a way I could become better at not being so wanting to be perfect at all things and beating mself up emotionally and mentally when this does not happen. To bad I can not strive for perfection in the manner of being unperfect, HUH!

So this lead me to do pretty much nothing but fal asleep watching a film on the couch. So low and behold when I wokr up this am, I checked my email! Well, my new job that I have been working on since last Novemeber, yehte govt is indeed slow BUT when they are ready tey are ready. So they send me an email telling me I start MONDAY, sheesh! Thanks for the heads up I get to give my current job huh! I feel guilty r giving such little notice but that just the way it is. I feel unready to commit myself to a full time real job (I work for an agency now where I can dictate when I am available to work) because of school and how tired it seems I am because of what I am alreadydoing. However the experience and the benifits and the money are all better. So that haas to be good. And we have goals we much reach in order to be able ot buy a house next year. I have to commit myself to that and taking this job is part of that! So I have to look forward positivly! I am hoping also if I am more set on a reglar schedule again and working harder (since my current job is cheese) that I will sleep better and be more active, thus making me not as tired as I have been. Since it is a drained feeling, not really physical tiredness. So let us hope so!

(sigh)

Today and everyday I am thankful to have a supportive husband who is understanding, positive beyond all things and accepting of who I am, especially when Iam evil!

Today and everyday I am thankful that I have survived all my years of driving!!!

Today...

I wanted to put what I was thankful for today. That was indeed my main purpose during the week when I made time to blog again. And I still will at the end though I guess. Since I let someones words anger me. But how can you honestly just leave with no explanation and then have the nerve to ask how someone might be. Well let me see, since you did not even have the guts to be an adult and say hey were leaving for whatever your reason, then hmm I am thinking ye, you are not really worth my time. SO sadly that would indeed also me becoming angry is wasteful but it is human, bleh. But you can not owe someone money for one and two know they at least think you will be paying rent etc, then just leave while they are at work and think they will not become angry. Also you can not really think you are right in this. FIne you were unhappy or stressed, well oh waaa, were you the one working, going ot school and paying the majority of the bills and then some for a year, OH no you werent, you were th eone who all the sudden finally started helping and then just decides to be immature and not very nice, and run out. So do not say well were friends and I wonder how you are, or well yeh it was stressful so I didn't know what to do. BULLLPOOO, spare me the fact that you are trying to make yourself feel less guilty for just being a bad friend and well basically bad person in such a situation of being irresponsibly. OK! And yes I was stressed out and yes it was a lot to do with you, but did i put it on you or blame you to you, why no I did not. I made sure we all ate, and had water an electricity and never made aware the fact that obviously is now true aware that you will never be more than you are but living off my tax money for a feigned reason of bs health reasons because you just do not want to work. SO yeh we are way better off. However yeh I still get mad about because you had no right to be stressful because wtf were you doing all day, not much huh. GO to work, and school then and hey add on your job sucks and is stressful and then let all your money you work for go to paying for food for someone who does not work, does not want to make a difference always, thinks they are the center of it is all me I am the only one who gets upset unfairness etc blah blah blah, yeh then maybe you would have the right to just walk out, well no you still would not because it would be wrong. But maybe you get my point, bleh. Whatever yeh I was pissed and yeh the mention still irks me. I have to however from this point on let it go indeed. Because we are better off and then some. SO yeh!

SO on that note. Thank you one for letting me rant for a moment although I wish I did not have to feel that way or make it so apparent to you all.

Today I am thankful for being a responsible woman who wants to better her life and does not blame others for that which has befallen me.