Friday, July 13, 2018

Friday - sharing tough stuff

PLEASE BE AWARE: this could be a triggering read for some, I do discuss feelings and share feelings as I am bereaving.

Good morning all! It is super early (703AM), at least for me on a Friday that is a day off. Normally I would sleep in since I am such a night owl. I have had about 3 hours of sleep, and could not get back to sleep so I got up to try and get my creative juices going. As well as handle an overwhelming  amount of adult responsibilities.

This has by far been an overwhelming month, my husband was laid off 3 weeks ago (he is back to work at a new job now), I took PTO for the July 4th holiday which I never do and was so excited about it and I got bit by a tick and injured my back seriously bad (could be tick related or a pinched nerve yes it still hurts, this was last Monday), and my father passed on Sunday. So pretty much the worse stay cation I have had thus far.

NOW, yes that is overload, but I am doing well, other than the anger I have from the disrespectful and nasty relatives who deflect their own issues onto you to create conflict and guilt. It is hard enough to deal with a death of a person  you love, a parent and not add in if that relationship had forms of toxicity itself. Now I have  moved past that as I have grown as a person. I loved my father, accepted him for who he was and know he loved me, even if sometimes it was unhealthy and manipulative. With all that being sad, it is still so hard when you have individuals who deflect their guilt and anger onto you and you are an empathetic healer who seeps up other energies too easily. And if not well protected, grounded, it is hard to not let them leech onto me, and in a time when you are vulnerable because you have lost a loved one and have an overwhelming amount of sadness, and also knowing that you are now the one who has to take care of everything as the responsible one, is difficult. Add in those who are childish and ignorant, and also have taken advantage of your father, abused them, it is heartbreaking and angering. And it angers me more so that I let myself get to a point where I was angry and responded to some of it. That however is at a end, I will no longer let them try and make me feel guilty when I was stable in my relationship with my father and know the truth of myself. Their issues and how they must move forward are for them to deal with. Now knowing all that and being a mature stable individual is not always enough, but I know that somewhere in all this, there is another lesson for me to learn to make me a better person.

As a wise friend reminded me,  you cannot rationalize with the irrational. And I have to continue to remind myself of this as I move forward. And it will help, but there is is still anger and some fear, as I deal with unstable addicts.

Today, I move forward to make this day a productive creative day where I work on healing, letting go of the anger. As well as more than likely taking a nap I hope!

Please know I have an amazing support system of friends and work family, plus my mother, husband and brother. Just sharing those feelings, that sadly I know too many of us have shared in similar circumstances.


Tuesday, June 26, 2018

Tuesday Tiredness

hello all!

I am super tired for a Tuesday, makes me dread how the rest of the week may go. Sad updates my husband was laid off from his job last Friday, so it is draining, the stress of it all. Hopefully he will be back on his feet with a new job soon. Especially before he drives me too batty always being home.

Other than that poop, all is well. I am still working on my two baby quilts, getting those quilted and finished, one is almost there and I need to start the other one. I hope to finish those up this weekend and then can post some pics, even though man that quilting is rough. But practice is good for me and I will get better. :)

In the meantime here are some furry pictures of love!





Tuesday, May 22, 2018

May - and some Quilts

I wanted to really be productive this month so I sent off for two quilt kits from Quilts for Kids. I really enjoy doing quilts for them, it is great to not only get the kits but you can send quilts you have made as well. I wanted to do some more practicing for free motion quilting, and charity quilts are really a great way to do that. SO I do have two of those to finish in the next 4 weeks, sew and quilt them and bind them. I asked for it. :S I will post those when done! They will be super cute.

ALSO - HOW THE HECK is it already almost the end of May?

I really have been busy, so that is good, just not been busy blogging or making YouTube videos. Which I am again learning is OK. Just because it worked for me before, and I was able to do it more often before, does not mean it will be that way always. And I really have to work on letting go of the guilt with it. Sounds silly to have guilt about it, but I think since I really want to be out there sharing and I am not, that is where it comes form.  It really is OK where I am right now. :) And where ever I end up will also be OK.

So for the beauty that has been in process and if you follow me over on Instagram you have seen. But it can never be too many places. :) The lighting a bit off, but that is OK. I am absolutely in love with how this is looking. I just have to trim her up and add my borders and then figure out how to quilt her! My first y seams! Not too bad and my triangles line up so well!! I cannot wait to get to working on another one in some different colors, not sure what yet though. These fabrics have been in my stash for well over 10 years, I bought them for something, but could not remember what, so put them together in this.


Be Blessed!!!!
♥ Desiree


Monday, April 9, 2018

Mom's Quilt and how it is already April 9???

In January I remember writing all those grand plans and being so focused. What the hell has happened? How are we already to April 9th, and of course I overall feel I have not done much. HOWEVER, that is not true really. But I definitely could have gotten more done in the last 3 months and week...

I can say I am doing really great on my number of books to read this year that Goodreads thankfully keeps track for me! I have read 8 of 27 books so far! One book ahead of schedule. maybe this year I will not only read 27, but beat it! I also overestimate at the beginning of the year and then waiver on towards the end. But i have found that audio books really work for me! I am able to listen while sewing, painting and even while at work sometimes.  

But on to the real fun stuff and pictures! I finally quilted this quilt that I machine pieced for my mom back in 2010...sheesh 2010 really...I actually have another one in a different colorway for myself that I may eventually finish, it still needs the sashing and cornerstones sewn to it, but that one has cornerstones that are tiny pinwheels...haha yeh so not done yet. If you are interested in these patterns I followed a long a quilt a long on PS I quilt's blog. I think it is still over on her blog even though she is quiet these days sadly, but taking care of her family which is important. 

So here I am with ma cute face and the quilt all quilted. 


And a shot of it on the machine I was using. I rented this machine from a lovely lady about 50 minutes from where I live. 


 And what I felt that day was the only decent quilted spot on it. Now that I have it back home and even finished the binding last night, I do feel it looks better than I originally thought. it has been so long since I free motioned quilted, and never on a long arm, a learning curve of course. And again finished is better than perfect, thanks Angela Walters! 


 I had hoped to also have a video up on YT since I took a short stay-cation, 3 days off work. But I spent a majority of the time sewing, and it was fantastic!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks for stopping by! More creative projects to come! :)


Tuesday, March 20, 2018

Welcome Spring - Greetings Ostara!

Today, that first day of Spring..it is rainy and cold here in TN and will more than likely snow in the next 48 hours. Not heavy snow, but nonetheless, TN weather gives me anxiety!

I hope you are all fairing well and will warm up soon, but not too hot. Before you know it is will be summer and I will be mad it is is hot.  :)

Fall is my fav!!!!!!!!

But I will not wish my days to go by faster to get there, embrace the day and what comes.


Wednesday, February 28, 2018

YouTube videos - will they ever happen again?

I have been trying to find my way back to making more YouTube videos. I so enjoyed them once and do miss it. But it seems I am still struggling to gain the energy and balance of my time outside of work to make it more. I am really struggling to believe if anything I say really matters, but I know that is fear speaking and not the truth.

I also did make a video last weekend and was so excited and went to edit it, and half of it had no sound, sigh. So no idea what happened with that. And I have not decided whether I will do a voice over or just move on or re do it. I was feeling weird when I made it and felt so disorganized. It is very possible all my videos are like that, lol.

So here we are still no more videos for February. On to March though, tomorrow I am embracing that full moon energy and working on some manifestations that will see me through the rest of the year.

Tuesday, February 27, 2018

New Kid On the Block - Lady Mia

We recently rescued a new fur babe! An 8 month old Great Pyrenees. Her name is Mia and was sadly with a young couple who are getting divorced and also not taking care of their two new pups. Another family near where they live took in the other guy who was a mixed breed and very hyper. We knew about Mia as the original owners were neighbors to some of our family. They were taking care of her and trying to find her a good home. And here we all are now. She came home Sunday and yesterday I worked at home so I could keep an eye on everyone and how they were adjusting. They have adjusted OK, but she does have some food aggression, not bad, but she thinks it is all hers and doesn't want everyone else to eat it. lol

Today they are all home alone....hoping the house is still there when I get home and she has not chewed it all up. While in the shower she had managed to find one of Jes' socks and a bag of cough drops I had on the nightstand by the bed. PUPPY LIFE!



I will share more pics later and let you know how the house ends up when I get home later!

Be Blessed everyone!